omnicrafter | Duplicity IC Inbox

[ He seems to think that over for a few seconds before offering his response. ]

I am not so foolish as to think I won't find the pieces gone one day and wielded by one of your hands, now that you know it exists.

[ He doesn't even trust Felih. He's seen the look the man sometimes gives him when they stray close to topics about Zodiark and the rest. ]

So it is in pieces...

[A deep sigh. She isn't even sure a used auracite can be applied to the same task twice, especially when already shattered. And frankly, she doesn't want to think about the kind of ultimatum that would require her to even consider it in the first place.]

I won't tell them if it bothers you so. My ultimate aim isn't to see you dead again, and I don't see any reason to use it in a place like this.

I don't believe you.

[ He delivers the words scornfully, sneering at her. ]

How many times do you think I've heard that sentiment from heroes such as yourself? 'I would never tell', 'I would never use such a thing' - yet all of them find themselves breaking their word, and they have the gall to look at you with tears in their eyes begging for forgiveness that you cannot give. They tell you that 'they had to' because you 'forced their hand', as if you were the one to blame for their choice in the matter! As if you made the choice for them, when really, they simply want to avoid their own personal, gods-damned responsibility!

[ His voice has risen to a shout by the end, and his sharp, golden eyes bore into the those of the Warrior sitting beside him. The glass in his hands is held in a white-knuckled grip and seems to be the only thing stopping him from physically lashing out. Perhaps that is why he fetched it.

His voice drops from a shout to a hiss. ]

So what is your ultimate aim then, hmm? Apart from reminding me, every day, that the time I have here is borrowed and that I could be returned at any second to the moment of my death.

Don't act like you're the only one here who's ever been in that situation!

[Her body whips around so fast as she gets to her feet that her tail swings far to the side with the momentum, her ponytail falling off her shoulder in the process.

This is exactly the same foolishness as before. Don't take the bait this time. Don't say something you'll regret later.]

Much like you, I just want to go home. Maybe it will be irrevocably changed by now, or maybe I won't fit in anymore, I really don't know. But I want to go back to the people who actually know me and give half a damn about me, at the very least.

You want me to stop saying it? Fine. Then don't give me a reason to need to use such methods again and there won't be a problem. It'd have to be a pretty extreme circumstance, granted, but I still know what you're capable of at your worst. For now, though, it stays between us.

[ He sneers at her again and takes a long draught from his glass, glaring at some spot on the floor afterwards. He wonders if his intention to seal them here with him will be the reason she needs to try to kill him again. How darkly do the passions of a dark knight run? She wishes to return home, she says? Well, at least she has one to return to.

The anguish surges like bile in his throat, almost choking him. Not even water helps swallow it down. Gods, this place is like an elaborate cage, and it won't even let him die.

(He wonders, though, how long he would stay dead should she or the others succeed again.) ]

[After a moment, the rage on her part dulls, and she heaves a dramatic sigh, plopping back down next to him.]

You are such a pain in the arse sometimes.

[And yet she can't really bring herself to just be done with him, either. Funny, that.]

...I still appreciate the return gift. It's been a while since anyone acknowledged my nameday, even by accident. But then, I usually don't tell anyone, either.

You're welcome, [ he mutters. ]

[ The bitterness lingers. It will never recede entirely. He's lived too long to let go of these entrenched truths of his. She knows this - they all do. ]

...I thought your existing pet might appreciate a companion. The coeurl's whiskers will not generate more than static.

So you've doomed my cat to a life of static shocks and a kitten friend that won't ever grow up with him? Fantastic.

...Ah, well, he's already enjoying it, so it's gone over quite nicely with its intended recipient, I suppose.

[Sarcasm. It makes sense that a coeurl would be lightning-aspected, though, so she has to give him credit for managing it in a world without lightning crystals to achieve it. Well, achieve it the "hard" way, anyway. Creation magic must be a hell of a convenience; it's no wonder the ancients apparently had to make an entire governmental bureau for its regulation.]

I still don't hate you, by the way. I don't know if you were hoping to perhaps accomplish that by spouting off, but my opinion hasn't changed... easier though it may be for everyone involved if I did.

Yes, 'twould be easier if you hated me and didn't want me anywhere near your bed, [ he drawls, leaning forward to place his empty glass on the coffee table. He slumps back into the couch. It is perhaps telling that he hasn't pushed her away despite what's been said. ]

[ He closes his eyes briefly and remarks offhand: ]

In fact I'm shocked that you haven't yet asked me to bed.

Because I can't tell anymore if it would make you feel better or worse to do that.

[...At least she's honest.]

And it's not all about me, anyway. I don't like making people feel pressured into it unless there's pretty clear enthusiasm for it there. It doesn't have to happen every time, you know?

[ He tips his head towards her, glancing out the corner of his eye. Like as not she can't see the gesture, but there is a fair bit of doubt in it. Doubt which he decides against voicing. ]

...It passes the time. How I feel about it is irrelevant. I'm long past enjoying such acts beyond the direct stimulus it gives.

[Irhya only makes a small grumbling noise, visibly disappointed by that response.]

That almost makes me not want to bother anymore. Other than filling the quota, what's the point if you don't enjoy it?

[Maybe he's like Jon and just isn't interested in it altogether. Maybe because the Eorzeans are incomplete, he doesn't see sex with them as anything but a chore. Maybe a little of both, but the answer for her has always been because she liked doing it. And perhaps the sexual freedom of this place has changed her views on it, and her behavior, pretty significantly, but... it should still be a give and take. Right?]

Are you sure there's nothing you'd like to try that would actually get you engaged in it?

...No. Not as you currently are.

[ Which could simply mean her fragmented existence. Or it could mean something more. Something deeper. As with many of his evasive answers, there is a layer of subtext beneath his words. ]

[Hearing that just re-ignites the burn in her chest that always happens when she remembers there's little she can do for him. Only against him; never towards a common goal or simply in the name of friendship, no matter how small.]

Well... I guess it's not like you'd be the first to not enjoy sex in a place like this. There have been people who just can't get into it no matter what, I'm sure.

[She is silent for another several moments.]

I'll stop, all right? I'll stop coming onto you so godsdamned much. I had hoped you'd at least get something out of it, but I guess it not being so is a good reason to slow down a little.

[ He heaves a sigh and sits up a little more, reaching up to turn her chin towards him, voice pitched low. ]

I want to get to know you better. Not your body; your character. You are not the Warrior of Light I know, even if you may have bared your heart and soul to another me. The sex... The sex is pleasant, I will admit, but I do not wish that to be the basis of our relationship.

[That makes her eyes widen, the fur on her tail standing up at the same time her ears rotate back slightly.]

I... I didn't...

[Did she really, though? To another him? Could it really be called that? They had a few moments, sure, but she's been so convinced up until now that there's no point in starting over to achieve something that won't even be at the same level as what she might've, maybe, possibly had. She's played it off like a joke ever since he appeared, a casual not-quite-friends-with-benefits that is so much more secure at a distance than actually bonding with him.

Irhya jerks her face away with a start, turning and clearing her throat nervously.]

Beg pardon, but I don't think you know what you're asking. I only approached it this way because it's safer and doesn't really ask anything of you other than physically. Right?

[ He doesn't know the level of intimacy she had in whatever alternate reality she comes from - and that is precisely his point. The hero he knows chatted with him, pestered him with questions, and in so doing revealed much about their character. He grew fond of them in spite of everything between them. But he doesn't know her. ]

I don't really appreciate being seen as another man to bed, [ he drawls. ] If carnal satisfaction is all you desire then there are plenty of others able to provide it. I don't like half-hearted measures either. Either you choose to love me, or you do not.

[ He pauses, then adds: ] Although I cannot recommend loving an enemy. And a dead man, at that.

That's not what I...

[Gods, but his words hit her hard without him even realizing it. There's a deeply bitter look on her face suddenly, her jaw clenching hard, and all directed wholly at herself.]

You acted before as if it was better for me not to get close to you. And now you're telling me you want to? Why do you keep going back and forth on this? Is it just that you want it, even though you know full well it isn't the "better" option? The easier option?

[He'd never come back for someone like me.]

I don't see you that way, and I'd love to try and... re-establish a connection, I suppose, but there's...

Mmh. I'm just... worried.

Hmm, mayhap 'love' is not the appropriate term...

[ He falls silent, mulling over the tangled briar of his feelings for who they were and who they are now. He himself doesn't rightly know what he wants from this. The dark tendrils of his god wrap tight about his heart.

He has no immediate answer, but perhaps hearing her thoughts will help move the matter forward. ]

...What do you fret over?

It's stupid. I probably shouldn't tell you.

[It's the first thing she blurts out, and she has to force herself not to fall back into old habits over it. To shutter up, to lash out over problems she only exacerbates with her behavior. She doesn't look at him, finding a spot on the floor instead to stare at.]

--It's just because I'm scared I'm going to fuck up again, all right? That I'll have nothing to show for it in the end but a withered heart and some bitter memories of all the things I could've done better.

[She takes a breath, then stands up and starts pacing about the room.]

...Told you it was stupid.

[ He folds his hands in his lap and watches her pace. He can't reassure her and tell her that he won't break her heart in some way, because he is sure he will. Their choices already tore them apart from each other once before, and many, many times more in the long centuries after. Such is the inevitable result of their conflict. ]

What do you wish me to say? Your fear is not unfounded. You know very well I can and cannot give. But I distinctly recall you advising me to try and get along with all you idiotic things so I suppose...

[ A pause. His gaze lingers on his lap. ]

I suppose I am trying to do that. And if you would pursue me as something other than a sack of meat to hump when the mood strikes, I may be open to an attempt at-- [ He straightens with a wry smile. ] Ah, friendship, that was the word I wanted.

I said me fucking up, not you. I know your way of thinking well enough.

[Does she, though? She didn't seem to acknowledge he wanted to be treated like a person rather than a sexual object until just now...]

There was... something that happened here, around the time I first got here. I did just that, and the friends I had at the time never forgave me for it. It's why you won't find me talking to the PECS manager or spending a lot of time in there, for instance.

[She stops in front of the window, head hung a little low.]

But if you would reach across the aisle in spite of all that you already know... I can't just turn my back on that, either.

Ah, so that's why. [ He shrugs and flaps his hand. ] Well, I heard you the first time. My counterpoint is that you have all offended me in one way or another at some point during our meetings. I find it hard to imagine a scenario where you manage to offend me so greatly as to permanently stop speaking to you. I reserve the right to brood in private should that ever happen.

[Biting though the word choice is on its face, it's very like him, and it makes her feel better to hear. Her tail does a little twitch as she considers this.]

...Thank you. That would be a bad habit of mine that I've never really had the opportunity to sit down and address. But as long as we're only offending you a little bit, I suppose that's all right.

[A slight laugh as she says the word "offending". Gods, but he is a drama queen.]

[ Dramatic. But it made her laugh, didn't it? He smirks and claps his hands together once. ]

Wonderful! Then if you're feeling better, perhaps I shall tell you what I would not mind trying if you do wish to bed me again.

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