omnicrafter | Duplicity IC Inbox

...No. Not as you currently are.

[ Which could simply mean her fragmented existence. Or it could mean something more. Something deeper. As with many of his evasive answers, there is a layer of subtext beneath his words. ]

[Hearing that just re-ignites the burn in her chest that always happens when she remembers there's little she can do for him. Only against him; never towards a common goal or simply in the name of friendship, no matter how small.]

Well... I guess it's not like you'd be the first to not enjoy sex in a place like this. There have been people who just can't get into it no matter what, I'm sure.

[She is silent for another several moments.]

I'll stop, all right? I'll stop coming onto you so godsdamned much. I had hoped you'd at least get something out of it, but I guess it not being so is a good reason to slow down a little.

[ He heaves a sigh and sits up a little more, reaching up to turn her chin towards him, voice pitched low. ]

I want to get to know you better. Not your body; your character. You are not the Warrior of Light I know, even if you may have bared your heart and soul to another me. The sex... The sex is pleasant, I will admit, but I do not wish that to be the basis of our relationship.

[That makes her eyes widen, the fur on her tail standing up at the same time her ears rotate back slightly.]

I... I didn't...

[Did she really, though? To another him? Could it really be called that? They had a few moments, sure, but she's been so convinced up until now that there's no point in starting over to achieve something that won't even be at the same level as what she might've, maybe, possibly had. She's played it off like a joke ever since he appeared, a casual not-quite-friends-with-benefits that is so much more secure at a distance than actually bonding with him.

Irhya jerks her face away with a start, turning and clearing her throat nervously.]

Beg pardon, but I don't think you know what you're asking. I only approached it this way because it's safer and doesn't really ask anything of you other than physically. Right?

[ He doesn't know the level of intimacy she had in whatever alternate reality she comes from - and that is precisely his point. The hero he knows chatted with him, pestered him with questions, and in so doing revealed much about their character. He grew fond of them in spite of everything between them. But he doesn't know her. ]

I don't really appreciate being seen as another man to bed, [ he drawls. ] If carnal satisfaction is all you desire then there are plenty of others able to provide it. I don't like half-hearted measures either. Either you choose to love me, or you do not.

[ He pauses, then adds: ] Although I cannot recommend loving an enemy. And a dead man, at that.

That's not what I...

[Gods, but his words hit her hard without him even realizing it. There's a deeply bitter look on her face suddenly, her jaw clenching hard, and all directed wholly at herself.]

You acted before as if it was better for me not to get close to you. And now you're telling me you want to? Why do you keep going back and forth on this? Is it just that you want it, even though you know full well it isn't the "better" option? The easier option?

[He'd never come back for someone like me.]

I don't see you that way, and I'd love to try and... re-establish a connection, I suppose, but there's...

Mmh. I'm just... worried.

Hmm, mayhap 'love' is not the appropriate term...

[ He falls silent, mulling over the tangled briar of his feelings for who they were and who they are now. He himself doesn't rightly know what he wants from this. The dark tendrils of his god wrap tight about his heart.

He has no immediate answer, but perhaps hearing her thoughts will help move the matter forward. ]

...What do you fret over?

It's stupid. I probably shouldn't tell you.

[It's the first thing she blurts out, and she has to force herself not to fall back into old habits over it. To shutter up, to lash out over problems she only exacerbates with her behavior. She doesn't look at him, finding a spot on the floor instead to stare at.]

--It's just because I'm scared I'm going to fuck up again, all right? That I'll have nothing to show for it in the end but a withered heart and some bitter memories of all the things I could've done better.

[She takes a breath, then stands up and starts pacing about the room.]

...Told you it was stupid.

[ He folds his hands in his lap and watches her pace. He can't reassure her and tell her that he won't break her heart in some way, because he is sure he will. Their choices already tore them apart from each other once before, and many, many times more in the long centuries after. Such is the inevitable result of their conflict. ]

What do you wish me to say? Your fear is not unfounded. You know very well I can and cannot give. But I distinctly recall you advising me to try and get along with all you idiotic things so I suppose...

[ A pause. His gaze lingers on his lap. ]

I suppose I am trying to do that. And if you would pursue me as something other than a sack of meat to hump when the mood strikes, I may be open to an attempt at-- [ He straightens with a wry smile. ] Ah, friendship, that was the word I wanted.

I said me fucking up, not you. I know your way of thinking well enough.

[Does she, though? She didn't seem to acknowledge he wanted to be treated like a person rather than a sexual object until just now...]

There was... something that happened here, around the time I first got here. I did just that, and the friends I had at the time never forgave me for it. It's why you won't find me talking to the PECS manager or spending a lot of time in there, for instance.

[She stops in front of the window, head hung a little low.]

But if you would reach across the aisle in spite of all that you already know... I can't just turn my back on that, either.

Ah, so that's why. [ He shrugs and flaps his hand. ] Well, I heard you the first time. My counterpoint is that you have all offended me in one way or another at some point during our meetings. I find it hard to imagine a scenario where you manage to offend me so greatly as to permanently stop speaking to you. I reserve the right to brood in private should that ever happen.

[Biting though the word choice is on its face, it's very like him, and it makes her feel better to hear. Her tail does a little twitch as she considers this.]

...Thank you. That would be a bad habit of mine that I've never really had the opportunity to sit down and address. But as long as we're only offending you a little bit, I suppose that's all right.

[A slight laugh as she says the word "offending". Gods, but he is a drama queen.]

[ Dramatic. But it made her laugh, didn't it? He smirks and claps his hands together once. ]

Wonderful! Then if you're feeling better, perhaps I shall tell you what I would not mind trying if you do wish to bed me again.

[A very pointed perking of her ears as she shifts her weight, attention fully captured.]

Oh? I'm listening.

[ He hums, drawing out the moment by tapping a finger against his chin as if thinking. ]

We-ell... I wouldn't mind trying a cock ring. [ He makes an 'O' with thumb and forefinger as if it needs illustrating. ] It worked so well on the other one. I don't quite trust you enough to deprive my senses whilst we have sex however.

You could do it to me.

[A cheerful and enthusiastic suggestion, if a bit sly.]

Let me tell you, I have a hard enough time finding people who will do that because they don't want to hurt me or some such. Though I imagine those two suggestions may have to be done separately...

Heh. You liked that buildup when you were restricted from getting off, didn't you?

[ He hums and his smirk widens but he does not give a definitive answer. ]

Hero, I don't know what you've done to lead anyone to believe you need to be treated like glass whilst restrained and vulnerable, but I shall certainly not be giving you any mercy.

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