[Gradually, just to make certain he hasn't decided to lash out again, she relieves the grip on his wrists and gets off of him. It's easy to tell what he's thinking, and she knows full well it's cold comfort for him.
It's just...]
Weren't you going to try and go home, though? What happened to that?
[ He slowly sits up, curling up with his arms folded atop his knees and face hidden. Now that the anger has worn off, he feels nothing but bone-deep exhaustion. If only he could sink into the earth and be done with it all. ]
Do you really think my people would accept me, after everything I've done?
[ Even if Hythlodaeus did find a way to bring him home, he would be exiled. He was too wild, too used to the mortal pace of time. He couldn't remember patience. ]
I wish to return home to see it one last time. Then I will take myself somewhere far away from our city and give myself to the Lifestream.
[Shaking her head slowly, she sits on her haunches in front of him, trying to catch his gaze with her own. Some would probably hail him as a hero, certainly, but the rest -- those who wished to see the new lives grow -- would not. They'd be torn once again, which perhaps is an even worse situation than unanimously casting him out.]
What if...
[Irhya still doesn't know entirely what she's about to say, but it's time to toss forth whatever idea she can reach to keep him from falling down again.]
What if we went somewhere different, instead? The two of us?
[ He slowly shakes his head before finally lifting it to meet her eyes, face drawn. ]
It is not that I don't want to be with you, but I promised Hythlodaeus I would return home with him. I can't very well leave him alone to face the Final Days.
[ He hesitates. Then adds: ] Every living creature has its time. Even we, with our long lives, knew when we had contributed all we could. You do not have to find ways to encourage me to live, Irhya.
[It's bittersweet, appropriate, and yet not at all how she wants things to pan out. If she could just pluck the two of them from their inevitable ends and place them somewhere they'd be safe...]
No matter how you frame it, not all of them will reject you. There will be some who would see you a hero of Amaurot for trying that hard, even if many others would question your actions. It'd be too controversial to simply decide you deserve exile.
[ They would be safe, and they would likely be happy in each other's company, but Hades also wagers they would eventually grow miserable without others like themselves. They had thrived as a community; they would wither alone. ]
This is where our people differ: there is no such thing as a 'hero' in Amaurot. We do not elevate others to pedestals as you do.
[ Reaching over, he rubs her head, fingers kneading gently over her ears. ]
And so I would exile myself and take the burden of debate off their shoulders. I would not offer them more reason to be divided.
[ He gazes at her steadily, eyes unblinking. His voice lowers. ] It is one thing to offer one's own life in service to others. It is quite another to take other's lives for your own purposes. Someday, perhaps you mortal races will come to understand the difference.
[Irhya opens her mouth to protest again, louder this time, but then his fingers meet her ears, and she eases back, the words dying in her throat. That he's acknowledging that the sundered really are lives is still nothing short of a miracle, but...]
And Hythlodaeus would go with you? What then? Don't tell me you plan to die together?
[Somehow, his words only incite her more when he says them diplomatically rather than with sarcastic venom. She seizes his shoulders and shakes vigorously with the following three words, drawing her face closer to his so he can see how serious she is.]
Stop! Doing! That! Like hell I'm going to let you go back to a different time just to die again!
[Her jaw clenches.]
You can live, you just don't want to even try! First it was that you couldn't accept the present, now it's that you can't accept the future. Why do you have to martyr yourself? Is having three lovers and a peaceful life not good enough, after all of that!?
[ His jaw clenches. He can understand her anger, but such is the view of someone who doesn't have eternity to live. Someone for whom death can come without warning.
It's simply one of those things they cannot comprehend because they haven't lived it. ]
I do accept it, [ he says tensely. ] I am leaving it in your hands, am I not? You still don't understand just how old I am - I have lived, loved, and lost so much more than you can imagine. I have seen the rise and fall of civilisations even your historians have forgotten about.
[ He pushes her hands away, face grim. ] As I said: I am no hero. Therefore, I am not martyring myself. Such concepts are your invention. I am simply old. I have nothing more to give to our star besides stories of your past. Can you not let me die on my own terms this time?
[Irhya stares at the ground, then punches it, grinding her teeth.]
...Stupid.
[Maybe he's right, and they are just at another impasse between mortal and immortal, but it doesn't make her any happier to think that. She may have to get Hythlodaeus's advice... whether he thinks she should leave it alone or try to get him to change his mind.
Even when she stands up, she still doesn't look very happy. In fact, she glances away as she offers him her hand to help him stand as well.]
[ He can tell she doesn't like his answer. That's fine. It's his life to live or end.
Grasping her hand, he lets her pull him to his feet, stooping afterwards to collect his fallen weapon. As he brushes off the soil and grass, he wonders if there is anything left worth living for. ]
...I'm sorry, [ he says quietly as they make their way back. He doesn't know what else to say. ]
And so begins another age of conflict, [ he says in light jest, shaking his head with a short sigh. ] I will make the most of my time here with you, Irhya. That is what you do, isn't it? Make every second of every minute of every day count.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
omnicrafter) wrote2020-11-10 05:45 am
no subject
It's just...]
Weren't you going to try and go home, though? What happened to that?
no subject
Do you really think my people would accept me, after everything I've done?
[ Even if Hythlodaeus did find a way to bring him home, he would be exiled. He was too wild, too used to the mortal pace of time. He couldn't remember patience. ]
I wish to return home to see it one last time. Then I will take myself somewhere far away from our city and give myself to the Lifestream.
no subject
What if...
[Irhya still doesn't know entirely what she's about to say, but it's time to toss forth whatever idea she can reach to keep him from falling down again.]
What if we went somewhere different, instead? The two of us?
no subject
[ He slowly shakes his head before finally lifting it to meet her eyes, face drawn. ]
It is not that I don't want to be with you, but I promised Hythlodaeus I would return home with him. I can't very well leave him alone to face the Final Days.
[ He hesitates. Then adds: ] Every living creature has its time. Even we, with our long lives, knew when we had contributed all we could. You do not have to find ways to encourage me to live, Irhya.
no subject
[It's bittersweet, appropriate, and yet not at all how she wants things to pan out. If she could just pluck the two of them from their inevitable ends and place them somewhere they'd be safe...]
No matter how you frame it, not all of them will reject you. There will be some who would see you a hero of Amaurot for trying that hard, even if many others would question your actions. It'd be too controversial to simply decide you deserve exile.
no subject
This is where our people differ: there is no such thing as a 'hero' in Amaurot. We do not elevate others to pedestals as you do.
[ Reaching over, he rubs her head, fingers kneading gently over her ears. ]
And so I would exile myself and take the burden of debate off their shoulders. I would not offer them more reason to be divided.
[ He gazes at her steadily, eyes unblinking. His voice lowers. ] It is one thing to offer one's own life in service to others. It is quite another to take other's lives for your own purposes. Someday, perhaps you mortal races will come to understand the difference.
no subject
And Hythlodaeus would go with you? What then? Don't tell me you plan to die together?
no subject
[ His hand falls away and he rearranges his legs so they're crossed instead. He still sits hunched over though. ]
My mind is made up, Irhya. I would appreciate it if you respected my decision.
[ By his tone, he won't be budged from this. ]
no subject
[Somehow, his words only incite her more when he says them diplomatically rather than with sarcastic venom. She seizes his shoulders and shakes vigorously with the following three words, drawing her face closer to his so he can see how serious she is.]
Stop! Doing! That! Like hell I'm going to let you go back to a different time just to die again!
[Her jaw clenches.]
You can live, you just don't want to even try! First it was that you couldn't accept the present, now it's that you can't accept the future. Why do you have to martyr yourself? Is having three lovers and a peaceful life not good enough, after all of that!?
no subject
It's simply one of those things they cannot comprehend because they haven't lived it. ]
I do accept it, [ he says tensely. ] I am leaving it in your hands, am I not? You still don't understand just how old I am - I have lived, loved, and lost so much more than you can imagine. I have seen the rise and fall of civilisations even your historians have forgotten about.
[ He pushes her hands away, face grim. ] As I said: I am no hero. Therefore, I am not martyring myself. Such concepts are your invention. I am simply old. I have nothing more to give to our star besides stories of your past. Can you not let me die on my own terms this time?
no subject
...Stupid.
[Maybe he's right, and they are just at another impasse between mortal and immortal, but it doesn't make her any happier to think that. She may have to get Hythlodaeus's advice... whether he thinks she should leave it alone or try to get him to change his mind.
Even when she stands up, she still doesn't look very happy. In fact, she glances away as she offers him her hand to help him stand as well.]
Well, come on. I'll take you back.
no subject
Grasping her hand, he lets her pull him to his feet, stooping afterwards to collect his fallen weapon. As he brushes off the soil and grass, he wonders if there is anything left worth living for. ]
...I'm sorry, [ he says quietly as they make their way back. He doesn't know what else to say. ]
no subject
[Her tone is gentle, but she still doesn't look at him. Her expression does soften to something sadder, however.]
But I can't agree with it. I won't.
no subject
no subject
...Thanks.
[It's a tiny admission, spoken with the air of a cat who just did something embarrassing. She pushes a little closer.]
I'm sorry if all of this is weighing on you. But I want to hope you'll find a reason to live on by being here.
no subject
He's not sure how to reply to her at first. There's a lengthy silence as he mulls over what to say. ]
...Even...if I did, it would only be until you or Felih passed.