He lays his hands on her knees and pushes them back gently, trusting that she knows her own body better than he does. There's a muted groan from him at the slight change in how he slides inside her, warm, heavy breath ghosting faintly across her bare skin. He drives into her a little harder, a little faster. He wants this to build gradually so that it feels all the sweeter at the end.
He can't count the number of times he's taken his time in bed with another man or woman like this, but it's still far, far fewer compared those for whom he's only pretended to feel affection. It will never not fill him with immense regret. All that lost time, lost loves, lost lives. He has only ever wanted two people by his side and he's fortunate to have one of them here. The other...
The other is a shadow of that lovely, familiar soul. One he is growing to love in its own way.
"Irhya..." Swallowing thickly, he leans down and murmurs, "I want you to know...that I trust you."
Her pelvic floor flexing, Irhya places her hands on his cheeks, breathing a little quicker than before. Most people wouldn't trust someone whose entire scheme was built on lying to other people in order to stoke fires of their own making. Untempering wouldn't, doesn't change the fact he still brought seven entire worlds and hundreds of millions of lives to their deaths.
Truth be told, she doesn't fully trust he won't still try to overwrite what she worked so hard for, not even after expressing her disappointment in it. But she trusts that he will do what he thinks is right, and for that much she cannot fault him. Not when he comes from such a different place in terms of perspective.
"I'm glad," she remarks with a hint of wonder. Perhaps they're finally getting somewhere in terms of seeing her as her current self, not as someone she used to be and will never be again. Then, with a smile that is slightly raw, "I have ever aspired to be one of the people you were loyal to."
"'Loyal'..." he repeats slowly, as if testing the word. As if savouring it. He covers one of her hands as his gaze lingers upon her face. "If you would accept me," he says thickly, "then I-- yes."
It would be impossible for him to forget who they once were. He can see their spirit in parts of them, in their habits, their gestures, their resolve. But funnily enough, without his Sight he can see her properly for once. She slowly becomes less 'Azem' and more 'Irhya'.
Offering her a faint, wry smile of his own, he picks up the pace.
Even as she grapples for purchase at his back, she's grinning, very pleased by this turn of events. If he can finally start to separate Azem from the people that bear pieces of their soul, it's a great relief for her, to no longer have to worry about him confusing the two. And it's also an indicator that maybe, just maybe, he's more willing to move on from the past now that his whole life isn't so firmly anchored in it...
Still using one hand to rub at herself, Irhya hooks her other arm under his, dragging her fingers through the back of his hair and pulling lightly on the longer locks near the top. It occurs to her dimly that he might look nice with long hair, but the thought doesn't remain for long when she's too busy trying to pleasure the both of them.
"I'm glad," she repeats, and it's more encompassing this time, an expression of contentedness. It's all she can really get out right now, but it sums up her feelings well enough.
Exhaling quietly, he feels his heartbeat quicken. Her fingers only tug lightly at his hair but it pulls his head back a little to expose some of his throat. With increasingly laboured breaths, he drives himself against her feverishly. Heat and tension coil in his loins, faster now knowing that she reciprocates how he feels. It doesn't take much longer for him to reach his peak.
The orgasm shudders out of him in waves, rocking him into her until he's spent. He slumps over her as the tremors ease, propped up by his elbows to avoid crushing her beneath his weight.
She follows shortly thereafter, her peak mild by comparison, but enjoyable nonetheless. When she's satisfied, she brings both hands to rest on his back, nuzzling up into his neck in a half-hug.
"This is definitely all I could've hoped for," she says, and means it. "Thank you." Her exhale ghosts across his shoulder, and when she pulls back, she looks sleepily content, closing her eyes for a moment to just bask. "I'll be okay now. I guess reassurance never hurts sometimes after you do something stupid."
"I'm glad." He nuzzles back, pulling out to settle by her side. "If you desire my company again, you have but to ask. 'Tis not like I have anywhere else to be now."
Oh, how easily he settles into domestic life. But that is all he ever wanted - work to keep him busy, and close company to while away his leisure hours with. He lets her have the moment for a little while before speaking up again idly.
"By the way... Were you disappointed that we might be infertile?"
"Eh?" The question snaps her out of her reverie, and she glances up at him, wide-eyed. "What makes you--"
Except she doesn't need to ask that; she herself seemed pretty reluctant to accept it was still a possibility, didn't she? Irhya sighs, grimacing. No harm in admitting it, perhaps...
"Well... you know, I did want kids, once." A pause. Her lips thin as she makes a wistful sound. "After a while, I gave up on the idea, since my life just didn't lend itself to that kind of thing. Though if we did stay infertile, then that's the end of it regardless." Her gaze drops to his collarbone, thoughtful. "I accepted the impossibility, yes, but I guess... the dream itself never quite let go."
He remains quiet for a time, simply resting with one arm draped loosely over her waist. Then--
"I, too, desired a family. A spouse who would not die; children I would not outlive. I relinquished that dream long, long ago, but of late I have found myself craving it once more. Knowing that nothing but oblivion awaits me at the end of our time here, 'tis as close to a mortal life as I may experience."
Something of a bitter smile crosses his lips. "Ah, but regardless of our respective fertilities, a Garlean child of any blood would be the subject of much scorn."
"I suppose there's that to consider, too... especially a half-blood." Regardless of if said half-blood came from what is technically still the royal line. "Besides... I know no parent who wants to have to bury their child."
But maybe... no, no, that's something he could get from Hythlodaeus. No point in trying to worm her way into a spot like that, when one of them will still eventually have to say goodbye to the other. But life is like that nowadays, isn't it? An eventuality all mortal people prepare for, and one he clearly never wanted to have to face.
She sighs, burying her face so he can't see it. "Maybe if all this Hydaelyn and Zodiark stuff ever ends... maybe then I can try. Not sure who I'd even run to, though. And after having you for all this time... I don't know that I even want to anymore."
A quiet snort. "Oh? Are you so spoilt by my company that you can't think of another man or woman you would spend the rest of your life with? I suppose I'm flattered."
If the conflict between Hydaelyn and Zodiark ever ended... What would the world be like, he wonders? Would it finally be in balance, or would other forces conspire to tip the scales one way or the other? These are questions which are not for him to know the answer to.
"Someone, somewhere, will love you, Irhya. They will care for you in ways I cannot, and unconditionally as well. Don't spend your remaining years pining over a dead man."
"Maybe a little spoiled," she says with a wry smile, and then, "but I suppose you're right. It's just... not something I want to consider right now."
In ways he can't, sure, but unconditionally? That's reserved for animals and faerie tales, usually. Or people... people like Haurchefant, perhaps...
She tucks her hands into her thighs and curls up. "I could just be blind to it. Gods know I can give the attention, but not receive it, after all. Either it goes over my head, or I just... play it down. Though I know I should stop doing that..."
He turns her face towards him and kisses her softly. Pointedly. After which he stares into her eyes and says solemnly, "If I could give you a child, I would. But as I cannot, I can only offer a promise that I will love you for as long as we are together. It may be impossible for me to completely separate who you are from who you once were but I have enjoyed coming to know you, Irhya."
Stroking her cheek, he gives her another kiss - on the side of her mouth this time.
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omnicrafter) wrote2020-11-10 05:45 am
no subject
He can't count the number of times he's taken his time in bed with another man or woman like this, but it's still far, far fewer compared those for whom he's only pretended to feel affection. It will never not fill him with immense regret. All that lost time, lost loves, lost lives. He has only ever wanted two people by his side and he's fortunate to have one of them here. The other...
The other is a shadow of that lovely, familiar soul. One he is growing to love in its own way.
"Irhya..." Swallowing thickly, he leans down and murmurs, "I want you to know...that I trust you."
no subject
Truth be told, she doesn't fully trust he won't still try to overwrite what she worked so hard for, not even after expressing her disappointment in it. But she trusts that he will do what he thinks is right, and for that much she cannot fault him. Not when he comes from such a different place in terms of perspective.
"I'm glad," she remarks with a hint of wonder. Perhaps they're finally getting somewhere in terms of seeing her as her current self, not as someone she used to be and will never be again. Then, with a smile that is slightly raw, "I have ever aspired to be one of the people you were loyal to."
no subject
It would be impossible for him to forget who they once were. He can see their spirit in parts of them, in their habits, their gestures, their resolve. But funnily enough, without his Sight he can see her properly for once. She slowly becomes less 'Azem' and more 'Irhya'.
Offering her a faint, wry smile of his own, he picks up the pace.
no subject
Still using one hand to rub at herself, Irhya hooks her other arm under his, dragging her fingers through the back of his hair and pulling lightly on the longer locks near the top. It occurs to her dimly that he might look nice with long hair, but the thought doesn't remain for long when she's too busy trying to pleasure the both of them.
"I'm glad," she repeats, and it's more encompassing this time, an expression of contentedness. It's all she can really get out right now, but it sums up her feelings well enough.
no subject
The orgasm shudders out of him in waves, rocking him into her until he's spent. He slumps over her as the tremors ease, propped up by his elbows to avoid crushing her beneath his weight.
no subject
"This is definitely all I could've hoped for," she says, and means it. "Thank you." Her exhale ghosts across his shoulder, and when she pulls back, she looks sleepily content, closing her eyes for a moment to just bask. "I'll be okay now. I guess reassurance never hurts sometimes after you do something stupid."
no subject
Oh, how easily he settles into domestic life. But that is all he ever wanted - work to keep him busy, and close company to while away his leisure hours with. He lets her have the moment for a little while before speaking up again idly.
"By the way... Were you disappointed that we might be infertile?"
no subject
Except she doesn't need to ask that; she herself seemed pretty reluctant to accept it was still a possibility, didn't she? Irhya sighs, grimacing. No harm in admitting it, perhaps...
"Well... you know, I did want kids, once." A pause. Her lips thin as she makes a wistful sound. "After a while, I gave up on the idea, since my life just didn't lend itself to that kind of thing. Though if we did stay infertile, then that's the end of it regardless." Her gaze drops to his collarbone, thoughtful. "I accepted the impossibility, yes, but I guess... the dream itself never quite let go."
no subject
"I, too, desired a family. A spouse who would not die; children I would not outlive. I relinquished that dream long, long ago, but of late I have found myself craving it once more. Knowing that nothing but oblivion awaits me at the end of our time here, 'tis as close to a mortal life as I may experience."
Something of a bitter smile crosses his lips. "Ah, but regardless of our respective fertilities, a Garlean child of any blood would be the subject of much scorn."
no subject
But maybe... no, no, that's something he could get from Hythlodaeus. No point in trying to worm her way into a spot like that, when one of them will still eventually have to say goodbye to the other. But life is like that nowadays, isn't it? An eventuality all mortal people prepare for, and one he clearly never wanted to have to face.
She sighs, burying her face so he can't see it. "Maybe if all this Hydaelyn and Zodiark stuff ever ends... maybe then I can try. Not sure who I'd even run to, though. And after having you for all this time... I don't know that I even want to anymore."
no subject
If the conflict between Hydaelyn and Zodiark ever ended... What would the world be like, he wonders? Would it finally be in balance, or would other forces conspire to tip the scales one way or the other? These are questions which are not for him to know the answer to.
"Someone, somewhere, will love you, Irhya. They will care for you in ways I cannot, and unconditionally as well. Don't spend your remaining years pining over a dead man."
no subject
In ways he can't, sure, but unconditionally? That's reserved for animals and faerie tales, usually. Or people... people like Haurchefant, perhaps...
She tucks her hands into her thighs and curls up. "I could just be blind to it. Gods know I can give the attention, but not receive it, after all. Either it goes over my head, or I just... play it down. Though I know I should stop doing that..."
no subject
Stroking her cheek, he gives her another kiss - on the side of her mouth this time.