omnicrafter | Duplicity IC Inbox

Glad to see someone made that connection. And no, yours... well, I watched. Not going to lie.

[ She was worried for people. ]

I think mine's gone... but anyroad, it's not something we've got to worry about. With everyone feeling so down after it, it's been painful just not being able to help.

... How are YOU doing, after it?

[Cue Irhya going white as a sheet.]

You watched? Mine specifically, you mean? I hadn't figured there was much worth watching there, to be honest.

Well... not exactly doing, to put it one way, but I'm managing. I appreciate you checking in, though; that's very kind of you.

Kind of have to. Even when there's not much to see- still a lot to learn, aye?

Besides... with all the trouble people have been going through, from our worlds and out of it, it doesn't hurt to pay attention.

[...Oh. Fantastic. How is she supposed to explain that one?]

I may regret asking this, but... what did you make of it?

[ That question makes her eyes narrow- she saw a lot of things. Even spoke to a few in person, though she did nothing with them, save heal one... But the things she did see, well.

They told her a lot. ]

Make? A lot of you seem to hate yourselves. Or, at least, that's the impression your 'others' want to give, anyroad.

There were things that my own 'other' was displaying that were grossly exaggerated, but I can't deny that at their heart, they're things that do exist. So how true was that for you, I wonder?

It isn't at all uncommon among Warriors of Light.

Beyond that, I don't really know what to say. Haurchefant and I already agreed that it was an unfortunate scene that never should have happened...

Not mine. Not from what Aymeric's told me.

[ The reply is a bit firm. ]

I've never met my own, but from what my husband and others have told me, Aymeric's account matches up.

Ours has been through a lot, and yet even at his most pained, he finds the light in himself to go on. Even when he's suffering- because the world decided to place everything on his shoulders. At least- At least I'm assured he's not alone. And has hope. What I saw from all of you- that was more pain and loathing than I've ever known coming from my own. I don't know what's different, but it hurts to see.

But those that I saw here were exaggerations. I'd only hope the real ones would have a little more light to them.

[ She's blunt, as she is, before focusing- ]

Haurchefant is another... shouldering all the blame, enough to be drawn away from those that simply wished his company and weren't able to break past themselves. I wonder if the lot of you just get off on your misery at times.

That's not

[A long delay before the next reply.]

Look, I'm trying to climb out of the damn hole I've dug myself into, but there's only so much I can take before I fall back down again.

I can't speak for the others, only myself... I've barely even started to speak to them or learn about their specific situations. But from what I understand, I'm also the only one who's been through this song and dance more times than I can even remember. It's all I can do now to cut my losses and pick my battles, and this isn't one I want to fight you on.

Call me whatever you want, but it's nothing I haven't already heard. I just... need to figure out how to go up.

... Oi, I'd like to help- but I really don't know what's going on with you- or the others, lass. All I know is what those copies showed me.

And I didn't like a single bit of it, so you'll have to be clearer than that. Why do you feel you're that low in the first place?

[ Honestly, the amount of angsting she's been seeing here is enough to suffocate a person. She gets that bad things have happened- she's been through some shite as well, but it's baffling her that these Warriors of Light are losing so much hope. Especially now, when they need to be stronger for themselves, first- where there's no Eorzea to protect! ]

If it'd just been the things that happened in Eorzea, none of this would've spun out of my control in the first place...

I think, for the vast majority of those here, it's safe to say this is the first time you've all been off your home shards. Even for the Warrior of Light, it's not really commonplace to be transported somewhere like this, without warning or explanation. But I've been stuck doing it for so long now that I can't even remember everything anymore. Certain events, certain people, but none with absolute clarity.

A lot of these places have people like the ones we know, too. People I've cared about, who used to keep me going when it would've been far too easy to put down the mantle and walk away. To date, I don't think a single one has known me, at least to begin with. So I tried a few times to create something new in the place of what used to be, perhaps; but after the first several times of getting a little bit comfortable and then having it all erased again, like nothing ever happened... To have to rebuild a house of straw over and over again in the face of a raging storm gets so tiresome after a while that one might even just decide to forsake the idea altogether.

I know I shouldn't take it out on others. None of this is their fault, and you can't just draw up things that don't exist from nothing. I'd already been teetering on a dangerous edge to begin with, but when I first started trying to blend in here, I ended up doing exactly that. So now I'm paying for it, because I was an idiot who didn't think before driving an emotional blade into someone I'm supposed to care about.

The few people I've already talked to about it have already spelled out their disgust with me, so no worries on that. That said, I can probably at least pick my arse up off the ground and regain my footing so others talking to me isn't a miserable chore, though actually getting anything to go in my favor again may just have to wait until the next time I meet them anew. But I'll remember.

... sounds like you've done a good on job of messing things up for yourself, lass.

[ This is a lot to take in, but at least, she's getting something of a picture now. ]

Even someone like me knows not to expect things to be as I know them in a situation like this, and I'm no Warrior of Light or anyone remotely important. Why would you even think of pushing your own experiences onto people that obviously wouldn't be the same as those on your own star?

How bad is it now? Who have you put off?

As do I, usually. Getting stranded across a bunch of different worlds with no one to turn to for help just overwhelmed me before I had a chance to sit down and breathe and put a damn cap on it again.

...The person I let loose on in the first place was Haurchefant, so you may see the problem here from that fact alone. I've not told everyone of what's going on yet, but I'm working on it... a little at a time. The only one I've had a chance to sit down with proper is Estinien, and... well. He may be disinclined to emotional impulses like the rest of us, but perhaps you can imagine.

Haurchefant himself even said he doesn't hate me, but... I don't know. I'm torn between sucking it up and trying to mend it anyway even though it makes me vulnerable as hell, or cutting my losses and biding my time.

...

[ So she's been in a situation like this before. Many times from the looks of it. No wonder she's messed up... if she was, too, it'd be hard for her to really treat others normally as well... ]

That'd explain why he was in tears. Among other things. All he'd ever wanted was to make his Warrior of Light happy- that was true for the one on my star, too.

Makes me wonder how you'll go about mending it. What have you done so far to rectify it?

Like I said, I tried talking to him... and all that established is that he doesn't hate me, but that's not saying much. There's no desire there to keep humoring me, that's for sure. So I can make all the efforts I want, but if there's no one on the other end to receive them in the first place, it's all just going to fall into the void.

...Which is why I'm torn. It doesn't help that I wasn't terribly good at this to begin with, yeah? I think it's fair to say I don't really know how, other than to just try to be considerate when we do meet. I don't think seeking him out on purpose will go over that well anymore.

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it's okay I'm slowballs

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