"In your darkest hour, in the blackest night... think of me, and I will be with you. Always. For where else could I go? Who else could I love but you?"
Is this about when I mentioned the quota a while back?
[Jumping straight to the most humiliating conclusion, of course. It takes her a second to reply, but -- she's probably totally off the mark and he'll laugh it off, right? Or did he really change his mind...?]
[Oh. Color her hideously embarrassed. It's a good thing he can't see her right now.]
Ahhh shite, sorry, I didn't mean to do that I think
I mean... talking is always nice. Do you need it? Twelve know I'm constantly in need of a listening ear, though, because I'm too boneheaded to have a working conscience.
Do I? I've never really classed people as "better" or "worse" like that... it's even sort of arbitrary to do so here, isn't it?
Well, I guess it only works going in one direction! I'm just really bad at listening to my own common sense, I suppose. Either way, I don't want to just let it go when you went out of your way to contact me, because that means... a lot.
A little better, maybe. He's not getting treated like rubbish every hour of every day for being a submissive now, so that's a point in his favor. I want to do more for him, but it just feels like I'm a puppy pining for his attention at this point when he has no interest in giving it...
Well, so goes the past few moons of my life, anyway. Do you want to meet at a cafe or something? I need to burn off the bad somewhere that isn't here.
There's one in the Down that isn't too bad. If you haven't contracted yet, that'd be easier for you to get to, wouldn't it? I don't mind making the trip.
[ more than he trusts most people here, at least. ]
but i'll see you there
[ At whatever time they settle on he'll be there, dressed simply in jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. There's still a bit of a discomfited hunch to his shoulders still but there's more life in his eyes than before, as he slides into a seat across from Irhya. ]
[Irhya is writing something in a small notebook and slowly nursing a cup of iced coffee when Shinjiro sits down across from her, still surprised at how good a normally hot drink can be when had at a more reasonable temperature.]
You look well. I guess things have sorted themselves out a bit since all of that, yeah?
[ Shrugging, he slides into the seat across from her. ]
I feel the same as always.
[ Always a little bit tired - both physically and mentally, at the thought of this place - and resigned to a lifetime spent in this place. But it could be worse and he's thankful. ]
Guess it is nice not to have to live in that dump in the Down though. You doin' alright though?
[ She seemed well enough, but he knows looks can be deceiving. ]
[Her smile is a little ashamed, like she's more convinced she shouldn't be doing as well as she is.]
I've had a contract for a while now, and that's working out all right. It's just... a handful of other things. Things I don't really get to talk to people about, because they're very complicated and involved, and most of them are my fault anyway.
[She finishes writing a sentence in quickly scrawled writing, and then closes the notebook, setting the pen down atop it. Her gaze then falls to the depths of her drink.]
You know. Silly things. My life's fine, honestly, and I shouldn't drag myself this much.
[ He's quiet as she speaks, hands resting carefully in his lap as he watches her with careful eyes. ]
Don't think there's anything silly about them.
[ Maybe it's hypocritical of him to say when he doesn't even know what her worries might be, but she doesn't strike him as the type to worry about fickle things like not being able to afford a shirt or misplacing her favorite much. Not after how thoughtful she'd been before.
But, just in case she's still feeling embarrassed, he lifts his hands up and holds them up palms facing her. ]
[There's a moment where she starts to wilt a bit before catching herself, clearing her throat and taking another sip of her drink.]
Well... I guess it is partially the quota I'm having trouble with. I can't seem to make anything stick -- either I manage to convince someone once and then never again, or I try too hard or say something dumb and end up getting nothing at all. I'm always telling people to choose someone they like, it's just... being able to choose for themselves also means the possibility most of them won't choose me.
Fact of life, I know, but it's a little harder when you're trying to skirt a bad consequence and not break your damn relationships at the same time.
[She rests one cheek in her palm, stabbing idly at the ice in her coffee with the straw.]
Never mind the fact I did something abysmally stupid the very bloody day I got here, and shot all my chances with the people I actually do love right to hell. So I don't get to have the people I want, and I can barely make ends meet with the next best thing, which is "people that can humor me and tolerate me long enough to spend a bell locked in a room with me".
[The stabbing stops. Her posture straightens.]
For what it's worth, though, don't take this to mean I'm trying to guilt you into it. It's just helpful to get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder sometimes, I suppose.
[ He can't sympathize with all of it - he's only ever passively accepted whatever's come his way, rather than actively seeking to fill his quota - but the part about making mistakes resonates with him.
Maybe he doesn't know what she did but it doesn't change the fact that she's suffering for it, more than she probably needs to. ]
Guess it's not something you can fix just by saying sorry, huh.
[ Would that everything could be solved so easily. He drums his fingers once in his lap, unsure of what to say. Just because he'd offered to talk and listen doesn't mean he's any good at offering advice. ]
text; backdated to slightly after leaving fort harmony
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Could be better, but I'm managing. How about you?
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glad to be out
[ he stares at his phone for a bit, debating, before punching out the next message. ]
anything i can help with?
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Is this about when I mentioned the quota a while back?
[Jumping straight to the most humiliating conclusion, of course. It takes her a second to reply, but -- she's probably totally off the mark and he'll laugh it off, right? Or did he really change his mind...?]
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not at all what he assumed she'd need but ]
i was thinking food or someone to talk to
do you need help with that?
[ she's attractive and smart, from what few conversations they've had. surely it shouldn't be hard for her to find partners. ]
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Ahhh shite, sorry, I didn't mean to do that I think
I mean... talking is always nice. Do you need it? Twelve know I'm constantly in need of a listening ear, though, because I'm too boneheaded to have a working conscience.
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if you really needed help with quota i would
just feel like you probably have better options
[ he's a little amused by her text, enough to crack a faint smile. ]
you seem alright though
weren't you giving me advice before?
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Well, I guess it only works going in one direction! I'm just really bad at listening to my own common sense, I suppose. Either way, I don't want to just let it go when you went out of your way to contact me, because that means... a lot.
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anyone could do it
[ he's embarrassed, don't call him out on it. anyway. ]
there anything you wanna talk about?
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I watched a friend in Fort Harmony slide pretty damn far downhill because nobody but me thought to reach out to him and check on his welfare.
But, well, if you're asking... I'm always looking for second opinions on something. Do you want to chat in person, or just do it here?
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i'm off work the rest of the afternoon anyway
[ and while it's not really any of his business, he still feels a twinge of sympathy for this unknown friend of hers. ]
hope your friend's doing better now
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Well, so goes the past few moons of my life, anyway. Do you want to meet at a cafe or something? I need to burn off the bad somewhere that isn't here.
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[ or maybe mystery guy needs more of a push, hard to say. there's nothing he can really do about it at the moment, in any case. ]
cafe sounds good
there one by you that you like?
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you don't have to worry about me
i found a contract
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In that case, though, there's a similar place in the Up as well. Let it be said that they really enjoy making their jokes about donut holes here...
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i met her here
[ but jokes about donut holes, huh.... ]
as long as their donut holes taste good i can live with it
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They're fine enough to me. The drinks are better, though, ironically. But we'll do that, then?
[Insert address here!!!]
aaaand action
[ more than he trusts most people here, at least. ]
but i'll see you there
[ At whatever time they settle on he'll be there, dressed simply in jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. There's still a bit of a discomfited hunch to his shoulders still but there's more life in his eyes than before, as he slides into a seat across from Irhya. ]
Hey.
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You look well. I guess things have sorted themselves out a bit since all of that, yeah?
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I feel the same as always.
[ Always a little bit tired - both physically and mentally, at the thought of this place - and resigned to a lifetime spent in this place. But it could be worse and he's thankful. ]
Guess it is nice not to have to live in that dump in the Down though. You doin' alright though?
[ She seemed well enough, but he knows looks can be deceiving. ]
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[Her smile is a little ashamed, like she's more convinced she shouldn't be doing as well as she is.]
I've had a contract for a while now, and that's working out all right. It's just... a handful of other things. Things I don't really get to talk to people about, because they're very complicated and involved, and most of them are my fault anyway.
[She finishes writing a sentence in quickly scrawled writing, and then closes the notebook, setting the pen down atop it. Her gaze then falls to the depths of her drink.]
You know. Silly things. My life's fine, honestly, and I shouldn't drag myself this much.
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Don't think there's anything silly about them.
[ Maybe it's hypocritical of him to say when he doesn't even know what her worries might be, but she doesn't strike him as the type to worry about fickle things like not being able to afford a shirt or misplacing her favorite much. Not after how thoughtful she'd been before.
But, just in case she's still feeling embarrassed, he lifts his hands up and holds them up palms facing her. ]
I promise not to judge you.
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Well... I guess it is partially the quota I'm having trouble with. I can't seem to make anything stick -- either I manage to convince someone once and then never again, or I try too hard or say something dumb and end up getting nothing at all. I'm always telling people to choose someone they like, it's just... being able to choose for themselves also means the possibility most of them won't choose me.
Fact of life, I know, but it's a little harder when you're trying to skirt a bad consequence and not break your damn relationships at the same time.
[She rests one cheek in her palm, stabbing idly at the ice in her coffee with the straw.]
Never mind the fact I did something abysmally stupid the very bloody day I got here, and shot all my chances with the people I actually do love right to hell. So I don't get to have the people I want, and I can barely make ends meet with the next best thing, which is "people that can humor me and tolerate me long enough to spend a bell locked in a room with me".
[The stabbing stops. Her posture straightens.]
For what it's worth, though, don't take this to mean I'm trying to guilt you into it. It's just helpful to get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder sometimes, I suppose.
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Maybe he doesn't know what she did but it doesn't change the fact that she's suffering for it, more than she probably needs to. ]
Guess it's not something you can fix just by saying sorry, huh.
[ Would that everything could be solved so easily. He drums his fingers once in his lap, unsure of what to say. Just because he'd offered to talk and listen doesn't mean he's any good at offering advice. ]
There's really no way you can fix what you did?
(no subject)