omnicrafter | Duplicity IC Inbox

A little better, maybe. He's not getting treated like rubbish every hour of every day for being a submissive now, so that's a point in his favor. I want to do more for him, but it just feels like I'm a puppy pining for his attention at this point when he has no interest in giving it...

Well, so goes the past few moons of my life, anyway. Do you want to meet at a cafe or something? I need to burn off the bad somewhere that isn't here.

might just take some time

[ or maybe mystery guy needs more of a push, hard to say. there's nothing he can really do about it at the moment, in any case. ]

cafe sounds good
there one by you that you like?

There's one in the Down that isn't too bad. If you haven't contracted yet, that'd be easier for you to get to, wouldn't it? I don't mind making the trip.

[ ah, about that— ]

you don't have to worry about me
i found a contract

Ah, my mistake, then. Someone you know?

In that case, though, there's a similar place in the Up as well. Let it be said that they really enjoy making their jokes about donut holes here...

guess you could say that
i met her here

[ but jokes about donut holes, huh.... ]

as long as their donut holes taste good i can live with it

As long as she's trustworthy, I hope.

They're fine enough to me. The drinks are better, though, ironically. But we'll do that, then?

[Insert address here!!!]

i trust her

[ more than he trusts most people here, at least. ]

but i'll see you there

[ At whatever time they settle on he'll be there, dressed simply in jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. There's still a bit of a discomfited hunch to his shoulders still but there's more life in his eyes than before, as he slides into a seat across from Irhya. ]

Hey.

[Irhya is writing something in a small notebook and slowly nursing a cup of iced coffee when Shinjiro sits down across from her, still surprised at how good a normally hot drink can be when had at a more reasonable temperature.]

You look well. I guess things have sorted themselves out a bit since all of that, yeah?

[ Shrugging, he slides into the seat across from her. ]

I feel the same as always.

[ Always a little bit tired - both physically and mentally, at the thought of this place - and resigned to a lifetime spent in this place. But it could be worse and he's thankful. ]

Guess it is nice not to have to live in that dump in the Down though. You doin' alright though?

[ She seemed well enough, but he knows looks can be deceiving. ]

Yeah... mostly.

[Her smile is a little ashamed, like she's more convinced she shouldn't be doing as well as she is.]

I've had a contract for a while now, and that's working out all right. It's just... a handful of other things. Things I don't really get to talk to people about, because they're very complicated and involved, and most of them are my fault anyway.

[She finishes writing a sentence in quickly scrawled writing, and then closes the notebook, setting the pen down atop it. Her gaze then falls to the depths of her drink.]

You know. Silly things. My life's fine, honestly, and I shouldn't drag myself this much.

[ He's quiet as she speaks, hands resting carefully in his lap as he watches her with careful eyes. ]

Don't think there's anything silly about them.

[ Maybe it's hypocritical of him to say when he doesn't even know what her worries might be, but she doesn't strike him as the type to worry about fickle things like not being able to afford a shirt or misplacing her favorite much. Not after how thoughtful she'd been before.

But, just in case she's still feeling embarrassed, he lifts his hands up and holds them up palms facing her. ]

I promise not to judge you.

[There's a moment where she starts to wilt a bit before catching herself, clearing her throat and taking another sip of her drink.]

Well... I guess it is partially the quota I'm having trouble with. I can't seem to make anything stick -- either I manage to convince someone once and then never again, or I try too hard or say something dumb and end up getting nothing at all. I'm always telling people to choose someone they like, it's just... being able to choose for themselves also means the possibility most of them won't choose me.

Fact of life, I know, but it's a little harder when you're trying to skirt a bad consequence and not break your damn relationships at the same time.

[She rests one cheek in her palm, stabbing idly at the ice in her coffee with the straw.]

Never mind the fact I did something abysmally stupid the very bloody day I got here, and shot all my chances with the people I actually do love right to hell. So I don't get to have the people I want, and I can barely make ends meet with the next best thing, which is "people that can humor me and tolerate me long enough to spend a bell locked in a room with me".

[The stabbing stops. Her posture straightens.]

For what it's worth, though, don't take this to mean I'm trying to guilt you into it. It's just helpful to get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder sometimes, I suppose.

[ He can't sympathize with all of it - he's only ever passively accepted whatever's come his way, rather than actively seeking to fill his quota - but the part about making mistakes resonates with him.

Maybe he doesn't know what she did but it doesn't change the fact that she's suffering for it, more than she probably needs to. ]

Guess it's not something you can fix just by saying sorry, huh.

[ Would that everything could be solved so easily. He drums his fingers once in his lap, unsure of what to say. Just because he'd offered to talk and listen doesn't mean he's any good at offering advice. ]

There's really no way you can fix what you did?

If it were, I'm sure I wouldn't be having this problem... alas.

[Her ears wilt, though she's still smiling thinly.]

Without that option, it's not easy finding people to trust. Someone could seem very appealing on the surface and still turn out to be a terrible partner, after all. I guess it doesn't help that in spite of lashing out like an aggrieved idiot, I'm still kinda-sorta in love with him, I guess...

[Attempting to soften the description of what it actually is. There are lots of people she loves, and plenty more she would happily go at it with, but only a few she can refer to as being in love with. Or maybe it's just infatuation with someone who doesn't really exist...]

I've been trying, but I'm beginning to wonder if I should just cut my losses and just keep an eye out for him from a distance instead. There's no point putting all that effort into earning forgiveness if there's no one watching, so I'd just... start from zero again.

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