"In your darkest hour, in the blackest night... think of me, and I will be with you. Always. For where else could I go? Who else could I love but you?"
... Oi, I'd like to help- but I really don't know what's going on with you- or the others, lass. All I know is what those copies showed me.
And I didn't like a single bit of it, so you'll have to be clearer than that. Why do you feel you're that low in the first place?
[ Honestly, the amount of angsting she's been seeing here is enough to suffocate a person. She gets that bad things have happened- she's been through some shite as well, but it's baffling her that these Warriors of Light are losing so much hope. Especially now, when they need to be stronger for themselves, first- where there's no Eorzea to protect! ]
If it'd just been the things that happened in Eorzea, none of this would've spun out of my control in the first place...
I think, for the vast majority of those here, it's safe to say this is the first time you've all been off your home shards. Even for the Warrior of Light, it's not really commonplace to be transported somewhere like this, without warning or explanation. But I've been stuck doing it for so long now that I can't even remember everything anymore. Certain events, certain people, but none with absolute clarity.
A lot of these places have people like the ones we know, too. People I've cared about, who used to keep me going when it would've been far too easy to put down the mantle and walk away. To date, I don't think a single one has known me, at least to begin with. So I tried a few times to create something new in the place of what used to be, perhaps; but after the first several times of getting a little bit comfortable and then having it all erased again, like nothing ever happened... To have to rebuild a house of straw over and over again in the face of a raging storm gets so tiresome after a while that one might even just decide to forsake the idea altogether.
I know I shouldn't take it out on others. None of this is their fault, and you can't just draw up things that don't exist from nothing. I'd already been teetering on a dangerous edge to begin with, but when I first started trying to blend in here, I ended up doing exactly that. So now I'm paying for it, because I was an idiot who didn't think before driving an emotional blade into someone I'm supposed to care about.
The few people I've already talked to about it have already spelled out their disgust with me, so no worries on that. That said, I can probably at least pick my arse up off the ground and regain my footing so others talking to me isn't a miserable chore, though actually getting anything to go in my favor again may just have to wait until the next time I meet them anew. But I'll remember.
... sounds like you've done a good on job of messing things up for yourself, lass.
[ This is a lot to take in, but at least, she's getting something of a picture now. ]
Even someone like me knows not to expect things to be as I know them in a situation like this, and I'm no Warrior of Light or anyone remotely important. Why would you even think of pushing your own experiences onto people that obviously wouldn't be the same as those on your own star?
As do I, usually. Getting stranded across a bunch of different worlds with no one to turn to for help just overwhelmed me before I had a chance to sit down and breathe and put a damn cap on it again.
...The person I let loose on in the first place was Haurchefant, so you may see the problem here from that fact alone. I've not told everyone of what's going on yet, but I'm working on it... a little at a time. The only one I've had a chance to sit down with proper is Estinien, and... well. He may be disinclined to emotional impulses like the rest of us, but perhaps you can imagine.
Haurchefant himself even said he doesn't hate me, but... I don't know. I'm torn between sucking it up and trying to mend it anyway even though it makes me vulnerable as hell, or cutting my losses and biding my time.
[ So she's been in a situation like this before. Many times from the looks of it. No wonder she's messed up... if she was, too, it'd be hard for her to really treat others normally as well... ]
That'd explain why he was in tears. Among other things. All he'd ever wanted was to make his Warrior of Light happy- that was true for the one on my star, too.
Makes me wonder how you'll go about mending it. What have you done so far to rectify it?
Like I said, I tried talking to him... and all that established is that he doesn't hate me, but that's not saying much. There's no desire there to keep humoring me, that's for sure. So I can make all the efforts I want, but if there's no one on the other end to receive them in the first place, it's all just going to fall into the void.
...Which is why I'm torn. It doesn't help that I wasn't terribly good at this to begin with, yeah? I think it's fair to say I don't really know how, other than to just try to be considerate when we do meet. I don't think seeking him out on purpose will go over that well anymore.
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And I didn't like a single bit of it, so you'll have to be clearer than that. Why do you feel you're that low in the first place?
[ Honestly, the amount of angsting she's been seeing here is enough to suffocate a person. She gets that bad things have happened- she's been through some shite as well, but it's baffling her that these Warriors of Light are losing so much hope. Especially now, when they need to be stronger for themselves, first- where there's no Eorzea to protect! ]
no subject
I think, for the vast majority of those here, it's safe to say this is the first time you've all been off your home shards. Even for the Warrior of Light, it's not really commonplace to be transported somewhere like this, without warning or explanation. But I've been stuck doing it for so long now that I can't even remember everything anymore. Certain events, certain people, but none with absolute clarity.
A lot of these places have people like the ones we know, too. People I've cared about, who used to keep me going when it would've been far too easy to put down the mantle and walk away. To date, I don't think a single one has known me, at least to begin with. So I tried a few times to create something new in the place of what used to be, perhaps; but after the first several times of getting a little bit comfortable and then having it all erased again, like nothing ever happened... To have to rebuild a house of straw over and over again in the face of a raging storm gets so tiresome after a while that one might even just decide to forsake the idea altogether.
I know I shouldn't take it out on others. None of this is their fault, and you can't just draw up things that don't exist from nothing. I'd already been teetering on a dangerous edge to begin with, but when I first started trying to blend in here, I ended up doing exactly that. So now I'm paying for it, because I was an idiot who didn't think before driving an emotional blade into someone I'm supposed to care about.
The few people I've already talked to about it have already spelled out their disgust with me, so no worries on that. That said, I can probably at least pick my arse up off the ground and regain my footing so others talking to me isn't a miserable chore, though actually getting anything to go in my favor again may just have to wait until the next time I meet them anew. But I'll remember.
no subject
[ This is a lot to take in, but at least, she's getting something of a picture now. ]
Even someone like me knows not to expect things to be as I know them in a situation like this, and I'm no Warrior of Light or anyone remotely important. Why would you even think of pushing your own experiences onto people that obviously wouldn't be the same as those on your own star?
How bad is it now? Who have you put off?
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...The person I let loose on in the first place was Haurchefant, so you may see the problem here from that fact alone. I've not told everyone of what's going on yet, but I'm working on it... a little at a time. The only one I've had a chance to sit down with proper is Estinien, and... well. He may be disinclined to emotional impulses like the rest of us, but perhaps you can imagine.
Haurchefant himself even said he doesn't hate me, but... I don't know. I'm torn between sucking it up and trying to mend it anyway even though it makes me vulnerable as hell, or cutting my losses and biding my time.
no subject
[ So she's been in a situation like this before. Many times from the looks of it. No wonder she's messed up... if she was, too, it'd be hard for her to really treat others normally as well... ]
That'd explain why he was in tears. Among other things. All he'd ever wanted was to make his Warrior of Light happy- that was true for the one on my star, too.
Makes me wonder how you'll go about mending it. What have you done so far to rectify it?
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...Which is why I'm torn. It doesn't help that I wasn't terribly good at this to begin with, yeah? I think it's fair to say I don't really know how, other than to just try to be considerate when we do meet. I don't think seeking him out on purpose will go over that well anymore.