Duplicity IC Inbox

[omnicrafter]

"In your darkest hour, in the blackest night... think of me, and I will be with you. Always. For where else could I go? Who else could I love but you?"

Comments

[unevoke]

[ He's quiet as she speaks, hands resting carefully in his lap as he watches her with careful eyes. ]

Don't think there's anything silly about them.

[ Maybe it's hypocritical of him to say when he doesn't even know what her worries might be, but she doesn't strike him as the type to worry about fickle things like not being able to afford a shirt or misplacing her favorite much. Not after how thoughtful she'd been before.

But, just in case she's still feeling embarrassed, he lifts his hands up and holds them up palms facing her. ]

I promise not to judge you.

[omnicrafter]

[There's a moment where she starts to wilt a bit before catching herself, clearing her throat and taking another sip of her drink.]

Well... I guess it is partially the quota I'm having trouble with. I can't seem to make anything stick -- either I manage to convince someone once and then never again, or I try too hard or say something dumb and end up getting nothing at all. I'm always telling people to choose someone they like, it's just... being able to choose for themselves also means the possibility most of them won't choose me.

Fact of life, I know, but it's a little harder when you're trying to skirt a bad consequence and not break your damn relationships at the same time.

[She rests one cheek in her palm, stabbing idly at the ice in her coffee with the straw.]

Never mind the fact I did something abysmally stupid the very bloody day I got here, and shot all my chances with the people I actually do love right to hell. So I don't get to have the people I want, and I can barely make ends meet with the next best thing, which is "people that can humor me and tolerate me long enough to spend a bell locked in a room with me".

[The stabbing stops. Her posture straightens.]

For what it's worth, though, don't take this to mean I'm trying to guilt you into it. It's just helpful to get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder sometimes, I suppose.

[unevoke]

[ He can't sympathize with all of it - he's only ever passively accepted whatever's come his way, rather than actively seeking to fill his quota - but the part about making mistakes resonates with him.

Maybe he doesn't know what she did but it doesn't change the fact that she's suffering for it, more than she probably needs to. ]

Guess it's not something you can fix just by saying sorry, huh.

[ Would that everything could be solved so easily. He drums his fingers once in his lap, unsure of what to say. Just because he'd offered to talk and listen doesn't mean he's any good at offering advice. ]

There's really no way you can fix what you did?

[omnicrafter]

If it were, I'm sure I wouldn't be having this problem... alas.

[Her ears wilt, though she's still smiling thinly.]

Without that option, it's not easy finding people to trust. Someone could seem very appealing on the surface and still turn out to be a terrible partner, after all. I guess it doesn't help that in spite of lashing out like an aggrieved idiot, I'm still kinda-sorta in love with him, I guess...

[Attempting to soften the description of what it actually is. There are lots of people she loves, and plenty more she would happily go at it with, but only a few she can refer to as being in love with. Or maybe it's just infatuation with someone who doesn't really exist...]

I've been trying, but I'm beginning to wonder if I should just cut my losses and just keep an eye out for him from a distance instead. There's no point putting all that effort into earning forgiveness if there's no one watching, so I'd just... start from zero again.